You know, I still want to be one of the herd. I'm not a teenager anymore, not even close =sigh=. I wish I didn't care about fitting in and being accepted anymore, but I do. It seems by now I should have gained the confidence, or self actualization, or whatever, to be myself, and stand strongly behind what I believe, and those I believe in.
I've realized recently I'll do almost anything to gain acceptance of "the group". I came close to justifying the idea of tearing down one friend to gain acceptance another (who I knew was mad at the first - it would have been an such an easy in). I was a bit horrified when I realized what I had been contemplating on a somewhat subconscious level.
Please tell me I'll outgrow this.
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I'm only just now becoming more comfortable with standing on my own two feet and not seeking acceptance. A lot of my behaviour is motivated by a need for acceptance and the approval of "adults." That doesn't work out so well when I'm supposed to be an adult myself. It's a tough habit to break, but I find consciously seeking approval only from God to be a helpful, if daily, remedy.
I like the idea of seeking approval from God. I just find people to be so much more...tangible.
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