Grown Up

As I child I always assumed when I grew up I'd understand stuff. You know, life, how it worked, who I was - all that stuff. I assumed I'd be competent and confident. That's how all adults seemed to me - like they knew what was going on. I never really did.

As I moved through my late teens into young adulthood, I kept waiting for this grown-up anointing, this grown-up thing, whatever it was, to become real. In my twenties I mollified myself that I wasn't really grown up yet.

But I took a look around recently, though. I'm 36 years old. I have twin four-year-old girls, a husband, a job, a house and a mortgage. I'm getting this unnerving feeling that I'm going to have to accept the fact that I'm grown-up. But what about this dispensation of understanding stuff? What about being competent and confident?! I'm worried it might not really happen after all. Not ever. Maybe all grown-ups don't feel like they have it all together. Maybe all grown ups don't know everything! What if this is as "all-together" as I'm ever going to have it?

Why didn't anybody tell me this?!