I suddenly found myself on the other side of the equation. You know how it goes. There’s the “people in need” and then there’s me. My job is to help the “people in need” (whatever that means). That’s fine. That’s how I like it. Where I feel secure, in control, independent, a-okay. Maybe, if I’m honest, a bit superior.
Then something slips, and you feel less in control, less capable, a bit worn down and no end in sight.
But then it gets worse. People start helping you.
The dawning horror: I’ve become a “people in need”, somehow at the mercy of others. If I look around I see it’s true. And I sense the grace my community is extending me. Undeserved, free gifts all around. What could be better? I hate it. It feels so…needy, so weak. Maybe just a little too close to home. But this uncomfortable feeling has a bit of a familiar signature to it. That God-poking-at-something feeling. How prideful am I?
Why is grace, fully undeserved, wholly unearned, completely unrelenting, so terrifying?
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